Honouring Missing Loved Ones at Christmas and New Year
When someone you love has died, Christmas and New Year can feel especially hard. These times are traditionally and societally centred around togetherness, tradition and reflection. When someone you love is missing, their absence can feel even louder than ever.
You may want to take part in celebrations, but at the same time, feel unsure how to honour your grief alongside the expectations of the season. Gentle rituals can help. Small, intentional acts can honour the person who has died, while allowing you to stay present in manageable ways.
Why rituals can help at Christmas and New Year
Rituals give grief a place to land. They allow us to acknowledge the missing person or people, without needing to explain or justify our feelings. At this time of year, rituals can offer comfort, continuity, and permission to remember them in your own way.
Any rituals you choose do not need to be religious, formal, or even shared with anyone. What matters is that they feel meaningful to you.
Ideas of gentle ways to honour a loved one during the festive season
Set a place for them
At Christmas lunch or dinner, you might set a place at the table with a chair, place a flower, or include a small item that represents the person who has died. This can be a shared family gesture, or something subtle that only you are aware of.
Light a candle
Lighting a candle in their honour can be a powerful way to acknowledge both love and loss. Some people say their name(s) as they light it; others quietly think of the person or people.
Create a moment of acknowledgment
This could be a short toast, a few words before a meal, or a quiet pause during the day. It doesn’t need to be heavy or long. Naming the person who is missing can make it easier to keep going.
Include them in traditions
You might cook their favourite dish, play music they loved, hang an ornament in their memory, or tell a story about them. Remembering doesn’t always have to be sad — laughter can be part of honouring too.
Carry something of theirs
Wearing a piece of jewellery, a watch, a scarf, or keeping a small keepsake nearby can provide comfort and a sense of connection during emotionally charged moments.
Create your own private ritual
This might be visiting a meaningful place, writing them a letter before the new year begins, stepping outside for a quiet moment, or taking a walk while reflecting on them.
Navigating different needs within families
Families often grieve differently. Some people want to talk openly about the person who has died; others may prefer distraction or silence. This can feel particularly difficult at Christmas and New Year.
You are allowed to meet your own needs, even if others choose a different path.
A gentle reminder
You may attend celebrations and feel okay, or you may feel overwhelmed. You may stay the whole time, or you may leave early. You may cry, laugh, or feel numb.
All of this is normal.
Honouring someone who has died during the festive season isn’t about doing things perfectly. It’s about allowing space for love, memory, and grief to exist together. The person you love will always matter, and small rituals can help you carry them with you as the year comes to a close and a new one begins.